Yeah, Im pretty much a mess 12/15/08

Are we fucking joking?! I let out one or two little tears in my earlier blog, get up and get a drink of water and you know what? I feel a little better. I know that it only will do for today, but I feel like the biggest dumbass right now. I go up and down for no reason at all. I told you all, I feel my emotions SO STRONGLY, especially lately. Ive got so much on my plate but I KNOW that I am strong. Ive proved it to myself time and time again. Ive made it through more than anyone knows. My best friend, Jenna wrote a blog about me last week. Can I tell you how amazing she is? She TRULY sees me for me. Let me share just a little bit of what she wrote:

*Through life's many ups and downs Keshia and I have always been there for each other. Through thick and thin, we always will be. During these ups and downs is where I discovered that I admire my best friend because she is one of the strongest and most independent people I have ever met. She has been through more downs than ups and has NEVER let it effect her spirit.
It's also amazing to watch Keshia with her children, for doing it all by herself she is so calm and caring. She loves her babies... I don't know how she does it because if it was me raising 2 kids by myself I would turn out to be "the crazy/stressed mom!" Don't get me wrong, she gets stressed at times, but she tries to never let it show to her kids. Quite frankly, it's amazing to watch. I admire her for being a young mom, but ALWAYS putting her children first.
In my opinion, Keshia is more like my sister and part of my family than a friend. It doesn't matter if we don't talk to each other in 1 day, 3 months, or 10 years, we will always pick up right where we left off and we will always be there for each other when needed.*

Can I tell you how genuinely this girl REALLY understands me? She knows that when I am having a hard time and am SUPER depressed about life, that it is just a phase for me because I have such a huge passion for life. She knows I have a thirst for knowledge that is never quenched and she knows my true soul. When I was having an amazingly bad day last week, I got a text from her. doesn't sound unnormal right? Well, me and Jenna hadn't talked in close to month or so. Her text said "Keshia, Ive been having a lot of thoughts about you lately. Are you ok?" What makes our friendship even more odd, she ALWAYS pops up when I am at my lowest. She said, "Its like God whispers in my ear everytime you need me." She also wrote her blog about me the day before my breakdown. I am so blessed to have a friend like her. she is my BEST FRIEND. I know it all may seem irrelevant but I get so much support from her. The type of support that pops me out of my depressions and makes me start looking at myself for what I really am. i am strong and I know I have and will surpass any and all expectations of me. the one thing I have always said is, "Just give me the chance and let me show you what I can do." I believe in myself . . I just don't believe 100% of the time. I KNOW I am strong although I question it constantly. but thats me. . . im a mess. but im the best damn mess you will ever take a chance on.