So I left the title blank to this one because Im not quite sure what I am even going to write about in this blog. I feel so lost. So confused about life and everything in it. All I know for sure is that I am so in love with the two little ones that call me MAMA. Thats about it, my friends. I need a new start, a new environment. I feel like I am going in circles where nothing is changing but I want it all to change so bad. I have no motivation for myself right now. There is so many things on my plate right now that just the thought of it all completely overwhelms me, so I do nothing. I want to get it all done. All taken care of, and I want it all to happen RIGHT NOW. I try to be strong day in and day out but Im so broken down. I KNOW I'm not alone in all this but I can't help this feeling of loneliness that I feel in soul. I hate failing and I feel like I have pretty much failed at everything in my life. Im doing the best that I can yet it seems the harder I try the worse it all gets. How do you give up someone that you love more than yourself in order to protect yourself? I believe that if it is meant to be it will be . . . . but how do you wait? I don't know, all I know is that I need to clean up this mess that I have made of my life and I don't even know where to begin or where to go. I need a new start. Somewhere far away from everything and everyone. How do I accomplish this when I don't even know where I am. I hate being an adult. I have so much responsibility and Im not holding up to my end of the bargain that was made when God gave me my children. Im trying. Im trying so hard. Hopefully I will get a break soon. VERY SOON. Before I crash and burn at the bottom.


this is the song that I am consistently pushing repeat, repeat, repeat to . . . hopefully it will sink in soon and I will believe it.